what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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