ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
