Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
