Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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