dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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