Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
