I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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