i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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