i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
