Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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