My first STD was from a foam party
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
