'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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