see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
