Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
