He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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