So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
