I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
