I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
