pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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