The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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