I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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