Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
