you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
BRING THE BAGELS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
