I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
