Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
