i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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