she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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