She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
