Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He shit in the fireplace
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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