I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
