Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
