I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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