You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
