I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
being pregnant is like rehab
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
