i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
