the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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