Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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