lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
