just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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