He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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