I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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