He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
