Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
