sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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