if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
