I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
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She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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