Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
