We won't sleep together?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
