I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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