I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
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I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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