You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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