At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
