If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
