Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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