Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
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It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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