I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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