So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
