Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
