I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
