then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
