I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
