remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
