No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
