I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
