o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
