Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
