we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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