Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so let's talk penis.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
