Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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