I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
