WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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