3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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