hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
