I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
