So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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