how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
