she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
