I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
