Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
