he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
