I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
