The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
