Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he puts the penis in happiness.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
