Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
