Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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