How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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