It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
