our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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