take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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